Fancy That

Summer Fashion: Post-Plague Edition

Make a statement and make it true

Well my darlings, the social season is once again getting into full swing, and after a few years of isolation and wearing nothing but your most comfortable night clothes covered in crumbs you likely need some advice. You certainly can’t show up to a soiree in flannels coated in orange cheese dust, your only accessory a scoop of ice cream that's melting all over the floor. No, my darlings, you need to reenter society! So cast aside your tragic habiliments and dust off your formal accouterments, it’s time for fashion to reemerge.

It’s summer, which is a fairly easy time to maneuver your way into the fashion world. Seasons have personalities and summer is relaxed, cruel, and petty. Or was it relaxed, cool, and pretty? Well, either way, you’re going to need to find some light, airy fabrics in soft colors if you’re going to look better than your best frenemy under the sun. Fortunately for you, this mondaine Madam is feeling charitable with her advice today.

Please, do not.

Fabric choice is highly important. You want something breathable and lightweight that looks expensive. Linen is the obvious choice, but only if you can afford high quality. Inferior linen has a tendency to look like burlap, so unless you’re participating in the potato sack race that I am sure Rhiassa will be adding to Queen of Hearts this year, I’d avoid that look. It also defeats the purpose if you’re going to get cheap, scratchy fabric that gives you a rash. Quality linen feels cool and soft and looks like it should be encasing a person of class and not the latest harvest. It lacks elasticity so you're going to have to learn to use an iron or hire someone who does, lest you end up looking like a shriveled old prune. The other option is cotton, which is very versatile and comes in a variety of different weaves and textures. Cheap cotton doesn’t look as bad as cheap linen, so if you’re poor, go with cotton.

Color choice is also important. Summer is full of life and vibrancy and you don’t want to ruin the mood by showing up looking like you’re mourning the loss of forced solitude, even if you are. Put on something cheerful and plaster a smile on your face, you miserable plebs. Yellows, pinks, lilacs, and oranges are all wonderful summer colors. Pastels give the feeling of airy indifference to the dark world around you. Brights give a big flip of the bird to the winter doldrums. And, my dears, this is the time of year that you can wear white without judgment. Well, alright, not completely without judgment. People will still whisper behind their fans about how you’re not ‘innocent enough’ to wear white, but whatever. If they can’t come say it to my face then their opinion isn’t worth the salt from the tongue it rolled off of.

This palette. Look at it.

Now I know that the color of the season is Midnight Blue. For some reason, we’ve decided that ‘season’ is synonymous with ‘year’ over here at Peacock headquarters. We should probably fix that, but I can only correct one problem at a time, love. So for now the summer color is the same as the winter color is the same as the fall color, and so on and so forth until we tell you it’s changed. Deal with it. Just because it’s called ‘Midnight Blue’ doesn’t mean it can’t show up at sunset with all the other colors that scream ‘summer’. Just look at this color palette! Don’t be boring and think you can only wear dark blue with black and whatever color your nation uses on its official stationary. Get creative. Try new things! Just don’t pair it with chartreuse. Gross.

Hats never make your butt look big

Last, but certainly not least, accessories. Summer is a grand time for fabulous trimmings that just won’t do at other times of the year. You’d look ridiculous with a parasol in the dead of winter, but in the heart of summer it’s perfect. A fan is actually useful for more than just hiding your resting bitch face when someone important is talking at court. Gloves can be absolutely impractical since they serve no logical purpose beyond their swank sophistication. Bracelets aren’t covered by oversized sleeves and necklaces by high collars. Belts and all their various favors and adornments aren’t obscured by cloaks and overcoats. Think of the possibilities and then employ them with the utmost gusto!

This weekend is a perfect opportunity to look like you own a mirror and put even a minor effort into pretending you read my advice. So come to the Gilded Lion and Summer Branch Fall Festival in all your finery. And if you can’t manage that, at the very least wash those nightclothes you’ve been wearing for two years. Think of the children.