The Pleb Life

Servants and Madams

I've been struggling lately with this article series. For one, no one seems to read it. Why am I doing these things that I don't even want to do to entertain no one? Yeah yeah, personal growth and all that rubbish, I suppose. There are also the four people who might be disappointed if I stopped. So, I'll keep going til I run out of ideas, which is my other struggle. I have limited notions on exactly which things I could try. I mean, what is it that plebs do exactly?

I did have a couple of suggestions from folks who like to see me suffer, so I decided to be accommodating and choose one of them for your reading pleasure. Someone wanted me to try switching places with one of my servants for the day, so I went with that one, mostly because it didn't require me leaving my house.

First, I had to choose someone. That was a task in and of itself, mostly because I am pretty sure that when you all said 'servant' you meant someone who does manual labor and not the person who supervises those things. Obviously I trust the people I have in supervisor positions, or they wouldn't be in them and I decided to put this trust to good use and ask my head housekeeper, Mrs. Higgs, to suggest someone. She recommended a woman we'd recently hired named Jocelyn.

I was a bit hesitant to switch with someone who hadn't been around long, this person would be in my office after all, but I asked around about Jocelyn and found that she had been complaining a lot about how unfair it is that I get to live a life of luxury while she does all the work and I quickly decided that I would indeed choose her. Mrs. Higgs isn't without her wiles, and if I could kill two birds with one stone I'd be a fool not to. So we approached Jocelyn and presented her with the idea, which she leapt at immediately of course. I mean, who wouldn't want to be me for a day?

We started in the late evening, where we both got to get a taste of how the other person sleeps. Now, my servants beds might not be as lavishly comfortable as my own, but they aren't exactly sleeping on a cold stone floor either. I have slept in far less comfortable and far more dangerous places than Jocelyn's bed, though I am sure this part of the exchange worked far more into her favor than my own.

In the morning, I discovered that Jocelyn's duties included all of the undesirable tasks that her low rank would suggest. Cleaning washrooms, latrines, and fireplaces likely sounds horrid to most people of my station, but let's remember that I was not brought up in this caste. I wouldn't count those tasks as something I'd consider fun, but nor would I consider them a horrendous punishment. There are a lot worse things in life than getting dirty, and a lot dirtier places than Alchimia Lupinaar.

I made Mrs. Higgs promise not to go easy on me and to treat me exactly how she'd treat any other servant, which really was a non issue as I'm a very thorough cleaner and a hard worker, if I do say so myself. She simply briefed me on my next task and off I went to perform it. I had a few questions of course, mostly involving where to find things. Really my greatest downfall was my atrocious sense of direction and I found myself getting lost a few times in the maze of servants hallways. Fortunately I could make up for all that lost time by being a very efficient cleaner and I got all of my tasks completed within the confines of the work day. In fact I was done early, which turned out to be unfortunate as you don't get more free time that way, just more work. Mostly the work of the less efficient people which I found highly frustrating. Being better at getting your own work done should be rewarded not punished, and this is something I will be working with Mrs' Higgs to correct.

I am quite sure that you are all disappointed that that I didn't fall flat on my face, but this little foray into the pleb life actually felt a bit like a vacation. Dirt doesn't complain, it doesn't get drunk and cause a scene, it doesn't fail at keeping customers in line, it doesn't botch financial paperwork, and it certainly doesn't need to be politely smiled at and told it's the best dirt I've ever had. The dirt just lays there and does what it's told, and it doesn't talk back or require me to wear any contraptions that squeeze the life out of you while you take care of it.

As for Jocelyn, she had the help of my personal attendant, Abigail, in following in my footsteps for the day. Unfortunately my required tasks kept me from seeing how she performed for the most part, but I did hear that she cried a few times and even asked to quit once. Turns out, I don't just lay around all day counting my money, I actually have to work for a living. Something poor Jocelyn found out the hard way, I'm afraid. Perhaps now she understands why you shouldn't make such assumptions.

So you see my dears, I am not terrible at every plebish thing that there is. You can ask Mrs. Higgs yourself if you don't believe me. And feel free to ask Jocelyn how her day went too, as long as you promise to tell me what she says. After all, I am just dying to know how great it is to be me. Now if you'll excuse me, it's Thursday, which is in fact the day that I set aside for laying around and counting my gold. Until next time, darlings.