The Professional's Opinion

Let's (not) Get Physical

When fashion says 'no' for you.

I have been awfully quiet through all of this my dears, but rest assured, I am alive and well and bored out of my skull. Unfortunately for all of you, ennui does not make me more productive but rather makes me more apt to procrastinate. It's not like I won't have time tomorrow or the day after with all of my social engagements canceled and my doors shuttered. But I fear you have been without me for too long and I am concerned that you might be slipping back into ill mannered, uncouth riffraff. So for you, my loves, I shall endeavor to pull myself out of my funk, lace up my corset, and put quill to parchment.

I know that physical distancing is hard on some people. I've built an entire career on people's appetite for physical contact. I have spent many years in a profession in which social distancing is neigh impossible. Very few people have ever paid me to use my mouth for banal conversation, after all. It's also a business that requires a very unique perspective on physical boundaries and with all of the time I've had to think in the past several weeks, I had a startling realization; this is the first time in my entire life I've gone a long period of time without having to graciously disengage myself from unwanted physical contact. No one touching me on the shoulder to get my attention, no one slipping an arm around my waist, no one's unwelcome hand on my thigh, no one standing too close with an odor that could kill a horse, and no one hugging me. Do I miss physical contact? Sure, in some ways. There are many people who's touch I covet. But overall it's been quite eye opening to realize how much we touch each other on any given day with no consideration to the feelings of the other person.

Now I know most of the contact is completely innocent. We are physical and social creatures after all. But I can't count how many times lately that I have heard some pleb say 'I can't wait til I can hug everyone again! It's going to be so awkward!'. I know that you think that you are being cute, but I am here to disabuse you of that notion; you're not. Hugging as a greeting and not realizing that the recipient might be bothered by it is forgivable. Literally bragging about how awkward you are going to make it is not. I don't care what your intent is, the fact of the matter is that if you are knowingly making someone uneasy in a physical way, then you need to stop. If you are unknowingly doing it, well then you need to learn to read people better.

I have heard that it has gotten out that I don't like hugs and that there is some kind of 'hug Zarine' campaign in the works. I will warn you now: do not participate in this complete disregard for my personal boundaries. Or anyone else's for that matter. You want to hug me because we are friends and we haven't seen one another in a while? Sure, I might not gain any pleasure from it but I'm not bothered by it. You want to hug me to intentionally make me feel physical and/or emotional discomfort? Now you're a disrespectful creep and I will not hesitate to remove you from polite society. Do you think you're just being humorous? Making a jest at your friend's expense? First of all, if you think we're friends you're more than likely mistaken. Second, this isn't cranberry sauce or tropical themed tabards, this is something that could easily be labeled as assault.

Perhaps you don't realize that what you are doing is bothersome. But if there has ever been a time for self reflection, it is now. So maybe take this time to think about how you interact with people. Do you touch people a lot as you converse? Do you hug everyone with reckless abandon? Do you continue to touch someone even though they are clearly uncomfortable? On the other hand, how do you allow others to interact with you? You need to clearly state your boundaries if you want others to understand what they are. And if you've stated them and they still don't seem to understand, come find me and I'll make sure that they do.

For many years I have trained my girls to demand respect from others just as they demand payment. The most important thing I teach them is consent, and consent isn't just for more 'advanced' physical contact. When I reopen my business it will be with far stricter rules in place and I will be far more aggressive in enforcing them. This is both for general public safety in a time where strict measures are necessary, and because I am quite frankly sick of putting up with entitled bullshit from people who think whores are beneath their respect. I have put up with too much for too long and both me and my girls deserve better. If you can't comply, then you can find a woman who you don't have to pay to touch you. Good luck with that.