The Weekend Report

Blackwood Meatballs...

and other delectables

Seems like an easy choice, right?

This past weekend saw the business transaction... er... nuptials of King K and Queen Jinx, and while the ceremony and celebration was lovely and will be covered in an upcoming article, this one is about the food. There is a lot to go over, so bear with me.

I can always expect to eat well in Blackwood. The cuisine is always plentiful and palatable. I think we can skip me telling you how much I enjoy their signature Meatloaf as I am quite sure we all know that fact by now. But what you might not know is that they have managed to top their marvelous loaf. Yes, there is a new favorite meat treat to put in my mouth.

When I was told that there would be no meatloaf at this gathering I was quite distraught. I wait all year for it's deliciousness, after all. But Mathies promised me that he would take care of me, and he definitely delivered on that promise and then some. You see, they took the very concoction that they usually loaf and turned it into balls. Bite sized orbs of heavenly yum. I was summoned to the kitchens (don't tell the Order of the Spoon) and had the honor of tasting the first of them to come from the oven. My dears, I don't mind telling you that it was the best experience of my life.

There is something about the spherical form that made it retain all of it's juiciness and flavor. The bite sized portion made them easy to eat, which is good because I ate no less than twenty of them. They were definitely better fresh from the oven. I had some later in the day and they had dried out a bit, which is to be expected. So eat them while they are hot. Savor them. They are truly amazing.

There were also some other appetizers. The little cucumber toasts were excellent, refreshing, and really hit the spot on a hot day. I was a bit leery about the prosciutto wrapped melon balls, meat wrapped fruit doesn't sound all that appetizing, but it was actually quite good. It turns out, Blackwood really knows how to use their meat, and I should probably just trust that it will always be tasty.

For the soup and salad course, I once again had the Hungarian Mushroom soup, and despite the weather being too warm to really want something hot, it was excellent as always. I didn't try the other soup, in fact I couldn't even tell you what it was. But I didn't hear any complaints so I assume it was good as well. I didn't participate in salad. Why fill up on lettuce when there was more meatballs to eat?

For the main course, I had the beef. It was not bad. A bit dry perhaps, but the flavor was favorable. The potatoes were well seasoned, and you can't really ruin green beans. Well, that's a lie. I could ruin them, but that's why they don't let me cook.

Now I've never regretted choosing beef before, but on this occasion I did. I was fortunate enough to be gifted a small portion of the vegetarian entree, stuffed zucchini, to taste and it was far better than the roast. I know, my dear readers, I am just as shocked as you to discover that I enjoyed zucchini in my mouth over the standard Blackwood beef, but I can't deny it; I love Mathies' zucchini. I was also offered some of the chicken to take home for later, which I gladly accepted as I hadn't had a chance to try it. I had Sven reheat it for me the next evening (against his wishes by the way, he was already quite angry that I enjoyed someone else's meatballs more than his) and it was also better than the beef, and maybe even better than the zucchini.

The fruit salad had pineapple in it, so I did not eat it. Now, I know many folks enjoy it, but I personally do not. Most things I do not enjoy can simply be tossed aside and I move on with my life, but pineapple tends to contaminate everything it touches with its gross juices. So please, I beg of you, if you must serve it, can you just put it on the side and let the rabble decide for themselves whether they want to be right or wrong?

The cake was, well, cake. It was very pretty and tasted just like

every other wedding cake I've had; dry and boring, which fittingly enough, is also how I view marriage. The frosting was pretty good though, and I tend to be picky about my frosting believe it or not.

And there you have it, my complete report of the fare provided at the wedding reception. I know some of it is hard to believe, but trust me, it's all true. Chicken better than beef. A vegetable better than meat. Balls better than loaf. What in the holy hell is happening in Blackwood? Maybe the gods really are out of balance...