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Hearts and Flowers
Well, Plebs, it's the fourteenth day of February, the day that for some reason we've decided to celebrate love. Why, you ask? Frankly, my dears, I have no idea. Who knows why we decided what day we celebrate anything? Recently I became aware that there are special days for pretty much everything, which honestly seems to me that no day is really special if every day is, but these things aren't up to me.
I have to deal with all of your half-witted attempts at courtship and flirtation all the time. I had planned on a whole article where I doled out advice to you idiots about romance and affairs of the heart, but I sat down to write this today, and to tell you the truth, I have been staring at a blank page for most of the afternoon. Now I am thinking to myself, who am I fooling? Advice should come from someone who knows what in the bloody hell they are talking about. Clearly, that person in this case, isn't me.
You want advice about hearts and flowers? Ask someone who's in a happy and healthy relationship. I have literally ruined every relationship I have ever had with anyone. If you think I haven't ruined my relationship with you, don't worry, I am working on it. I want you all to get love advice from someone for whom love has actually made happy. Not from a daughter who doesn't even know or care if her mother is alive or dead. Not from an ungrateful wretch of a teenager who walked away from the only person who'd ever cared about her. Not from someone who failed at her own marriage in a dramatically spectacular fashion. Not from someone who hasn't in twenty years found the courage to tell someone how she feels. And certainly not from a cynical old woman who thinks of love as a business transaction because that's the only kind of love that she knows.
You want advice about hearts and flowers? Ask someone who isn't going to encourage you to give up because you'll just get hurt anyways and none of it is worth it. Ask someone who makes love sound like something out of a storybook. Ask someone who believes that a bouquet of roses can change someone's life for the better. Ask someone who gives you hope that anything is possible even in what feels like the darkest times. Ask someone who not only wants you to succeed, but believes that you can and makes you believe it too.
The realms is too full of pessimistic old fools like me. Find someone who doesn't say 'fuck hearts and flowers, I charge extra today'.