The Weekend Report

Feast of Blackwood 1021

Photographic evidence that I was there, and not just the back of my head.

Ah yes, it is once again my favorite time of year. The smell of mulling spices and simmering soups fill the air. Pumpkin everything brings all the basic bitches to frolic in the crisp, colorful leaves in the yard. Cooler days and even colder nights encourage folks to spend their ill gotten gold on a warm companion. But most important of all, Blackwood welcomes us all into their lands to partake of all their meaty goodness. And partake we do. Perhaps a bit too much, really. Honestly, you could have fed a small village just from what I ate alone.

Over the years, I have somehow gone from that miserable old crone who shows up to ruin everyone’s good time to… well, ok, I’m still that, but I’m also an insufferable yet well respected food critic who chefs just can’t help but cater to. At Blackwood’s annual feast a few weekends past, my dear Mathies made sure that I got a sampling of everything the kitchen had to offer so that I could properly pass judgement, so judge it I shall.

Let's start with assessing the company. Actually… let’s not. It’s been quite a while since we’d all seen each other and I was feeling quite favorable towards most of you. I don’t want you all to think I’ve gone soft by saying things like ‘you all looked nice’ or ‘it was pleasant conversing with you’, so let’s start with the casino. It was a bit slow at the tables it seemed, though I did not participate in the more popular poker game a bit later in the day.

She's concentrating. Promise.

I did however have quite an enjoyable time playing blackjack for a bit. Turns out, it’s easy to gamble with other people's money. If I win it’s mine, but if I lose it’s Thoril’s. So did I win? Well my love, it’s quite uncouth to discuss one's finances in public so I suppose you’ll just have to draw your own conclusions. Though speaking of jumping to conclusions, this lovely young woman is not glaring at me despite what the photograph suggests. I am a likable and enjoyable person, so why would anyone glare at me?

Moving on before you think too hard on that point, let's talk about the food! We might as well start at the beginning with the appetizers. The cheese and crackers were cheese and crackers. Not much to say about them as they were pretty standard. I would like to see some more thought put into the cheese selection, perhaps some of those cheeses that sound like cities that The View just published would be interesting. The veggie plate was much the same. Nothing fancy but serviceable and something to snack on before the other food came out.

Cat’s cucumbers were tasty if a tad bit dry. Also, I am given to believe they were not prepared by an actual feline which is disappointing to say the least. Kiira’s allergy meant that her cucumbers came without crackers, and I have to say they actually looked more appealing that way so perhaps that is an idea for the future. The mini quiches were delicious though they sadly got cold quick which is probably a problem without a solution. I am also not the biggest fan of phyllo dough, but it seemed to work well for this particular dish. The Rueben pizza had the same issue as the quiches in that it cooled too fast. It also had pickles on it, and while I would have preferred it without, it did give me an excuse to pick them off and fling them off into the woods like a bitter old heiress tossing her husband’s mistress’ panties off the balcony after she died under mysterious circumstances. Also they were delicious. The Rueben, not the panties; those probably taste like regret and alimony. The blackwood meatballs were amazing, as usual, and I was gifted many plates of them. One plate was even hot and fresh from the kitchen, so thank you for that, I very much appreciate it.

On to the main course. When our order was taken we were only given the option of chicken or beef, which was disappointing because I actually wanted the zucchini. Later I discovered that no one actually registered as vegetarian, either out of embarrassment or because there really weren’t any, but either way it was quite sad that we were denied a taste of the world's fourth best squash for seemingly no reason.

I chose the beef, which has been the wrong choice for two years now. This year it was Roasted Herb Beef Tips, which were very flavorful but a bit over cooked for my liking. They were actually more enjoyable reheated at home the next day, much to Sven’s disgruntlement as he really hates it when I make him cook someone else's leftovers. Beef tips are always too big a cut for me almost every time someone makes them. It’s like they are meant to be bite sized but aren’t. I know most of you don’t hear this very often, but I don’t want to put something that big in my mouth. If we could please make whatever part of the cow 'just the tips' are just a bit smaller, that would be great.

Now, because I’m Zarine, I got to taste a sample of the other two choices. The chicken was Crispy Chicken Thighs, and while I did not find them particularly crispy, they were moist and delicious and I do love a good pair of thighs. The zucchini dish was once again the best of the main courses. Zucchini Roll-Ups were their name and being delightful was their game.

The sides were fairly good and well presented. The mac & cheese was smooth and creamy and I usually dislike what other people call good mac & cheese. The carrots weren’t very memorable so I assume they at least weren’t bad. The green beans were good and I enjoyed whatever was with them; sunflower seeds maybe? I don’t rightly remember other than that I liked the addition of whatever it was.

Dessert. Now, some people wondered why I got dessert personally delivered to me by Mathies who then explained each cupcake in explicit detail. Once again the only explanation is that I am Zarine and you are not. So, let's start with my least favorite: the Chocolate Cherry. Honestly, they were amazing, I’m just not a lover of muffins containing cherries so this was a bottom for me. The Caramel Apple Spice were truly divine, and I love me some cream cheese frosting. My favorite though was definitely the Lemon Crème. Just the right amount of lemon and the frosting was the perfect consistency so these were the clear winner for me.

Overall this was a fantastic feast. It was a pleasure to see people out and about again. I had some fantastic conversations, enjoyed some gambling, and ate too much delicious food. The only thing missing were soups. Well, I guess that wasn’t the only thing. I suppose the king wasn’t there and that is probably more sad than no soup. It’s at least comparably sad to no soup... So thank you once again to Blackwood for having us and for feeding us. Also, many thanks to Iawen for letting me watch her table for a bit. It sounds like it was work, but really it was great fun. And of course a big congratulations to Sir Pilpus on his knighting.

Well, until next time my dears. I hope to see most of you soon. I hear there is a masquerade of sorts coming up…