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Feast of Blackwood 1022
Ah, Blackwood. A place renowned for their loafs, balls, bacon, and gambling. Really, what more needs to be said to convince you to visit this charming locale. I mean, sure, there was some sort of planar issue that the supposed heroes of the Realms were trying to fix or something. I don’t know entirely what it was all about, and honestly neither did anyone else. Folks were complaining about runes, seasons, unkillable bears… the whole thing seems like a mess I’d rather not get involved in. Besides I was there for the food, not interdimensional politics.
Speaking of food, Mathies specifically requested that I review the feast since apparently the person who reviewed his last one didn’t actually eat any food. Now, I understand that a lot of things happen at a feast that aren’t food related, but when choosing someone to critique a gathering where food is a major focus, perhaps someone who can and will sample everything should write something? If I slaved away over a hot stove all day and the only review of the results were ‘people seemed to like it’, I’d be pretty upset. Though let's face it, if you all ate anything I cooked you’d be unlikely to live to write said review. Besides, critiquing food is how I get personal servants and special deliveries from the kitchen, so let's talk about the food, shall we?
Appetizers. The cucumbers on crackers are always a hit, though I do wish we could find a way for the cracker to not get so stale and the cucumber so dry after a bit. It’s not really a good food to just leave out for a while, as it has somewhat of a short shelf life. I somehow missed the little pastries with the spinach artichoke filling, but Mathies was kind enough to bring one to the poker table for me. The filling was delicious, but phyllo is always messy and a bit hard to eat. Perhaps smaller, more bite sized pastries next time would be better. The meatballs are the meatballs, I have extolled their virtues many times over at this point so I will not be discussing the balls at this time. If you’d like to discuss them at a later date, I charge by the minute so bring your gold.
Soups. I did not get a chance to try the stew this year, sadly. I did not hear any complaints about it though, so I assume it must have been good as always. I opted for the Hungarian Mushroom, which is one of my favorite feast foods. Once again this course came out while I was at the poker table, but apparently just loudly proclaiming ‘the steward is hungry’ gets you a Knight to fetch you things. James Swift lived up to his name and quite quickly provided me with soup, crackers, and buttered bread. I can’t say I have a favorite of my new knights, but I do and it’s James Swift.
Now, during the Stacked Deck tournament, there were also bardics. I was expecting them to be before court, perhaps while we were eating the main course to provide dinner entertainment. But alas, no, they decided to distract us from poker, which is why I don't usually play in the first place; too much other stuff to do. Anyways, most didn’t draw my attention away from the table, until Jean Baptiste decided to impersonate the woman, the myth, the legend… me. So then I was completely not paying attention to the game, which JB had to step away from by the way to perform, because I just had to watch this. If there is one thing I can’t even, it’s Jean Baptiste as a sophisticated Madam giving unsolicited advice to unsuspecting plebs.
After I only came in fifth at the poker table, I made my social rounds, which was of course, tedious as always. Why I decided that I should get involved in politics I’ll never know, but I do like being called ‘Madam Steward’. Has a nice ring to it. Speaking of that, court happened. There were a lot of promotions and such, some more deserved than others I am sure, but one thing stuck out to me. The Knights of the Steward did some things, none of which were welcoming their new Steward. To be fair, Knight Commander Sir Bones was officially appointed right then and there, so I suppose I can forgive the slight… this time.
Back to the food. The main course was served after court. My apprentice, Thayet, was so excited to go collect my food for me, but alas she was to be disappointed as a personal servant was assigned to me by the chef. Don’t worry, my love, I am sure you’ll have another opportunity to serve me in the future. Black and White is coming up, and Chimeron hasn’t quite jumped on the ‘make sure Zarine is properly catered to’ bandwagon, so I’ll require your assistance yet again. Must be why I ‘can’t even the nation of Chimeron’, as JB so eloquently put it. Anyways, Sayeh was my servant for dinner, and she tried really hard to impress me with her ability to acquire food and place it in front of me. It’s good to be me.
I had the orange chicken as my main course. I was concerned at first bite, because it was quite dry. Chicken is always a bit hit or miss for me because the texture is often off putting if it isn’t, dare I say, moist enough. But subsequent bites revealed that the first was a fluke, and the rest was delicious. The potatoes with the cheese crust were really good, and the carrots were perfectly cooked and seasoned. Because I’m me, I was also offered the other dishes to try. The stuffed pork was really not my cup of tea. I don’t like fig, which was the main ingredient in the stuffing, so that was already a mark against it. Besides that, pork is just like chicken in that the texture is hit or miss, and this one was a miss for me. It was too dry, which likely means overcooked, which everyone seems to do to pork. As per usual, the zucchini was the winner of the main course battle. It’s the vegetarian option, but really it should be considered for the future as a main course selection. Why are meat eaters being deprived of deliciousness? Unlike vegetarians we can eat a variety of foods, we are not ‘anti-vegetable’, so allow us the opportunity to sample some diversity of food groups.
Dessert. The dessert at this event never disappoints. I don’t even like cherries, and I enjoy the cherry chocolate cupcake immensely. Next up, caramel cinnamon? Apple cinnamon? I don’t remember what flavor exactly, but it was very good. Particularly the frosting. But the clear best in show at the cupcake war was once again the lemon. It’s a hard one to dethrone as it truly is perfection in cupcake form. I was also given the option of coffee, and then presented with coffee options. I went with the Ethiopian as it smelled divine, and it turned out to be an excellent choice.
Overall it was an excellent feast. Sayeh was an exemplary servant and Mathies checked on me quite often to make sure I was satisfied. Some timing issues could be worked out in the future perhaps, and the weather could have been better, but my only real regret was that I forgot to check for available leftovers before I departed. So here I sit, writing this, with no meatballs at my side.
If you missed the feast this year, fear not, for I am sure there will be another next year and you should clear your calendar for it. You may not get the over the top treatment I do, I mean who does right? But you’ll be fed delicious food, of that you can be sure. So until next year, peasants!
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